


the bone sticking through skin

by eovaldi (dangerdays)



Category: Baseball RPF, Boston Red Sox - Fandom
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 22:23:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16861309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dangerdays/pseuds/eovaldi
Summary: "back and forth and back againis not there, there is no tear in the skinjust breathe, i swear it never happenedi'll keep you warm and I'll comfort youi'll tell you everything to do"





	the bone sticking through skin

When Nate is with Sandy it’s different, different than all the catchers he’s known.

 

Sandy is big, but he’s no threat. He has an even voice, and a nice smile. Sandy has warm, caring, hands. He never touches without asking. Nate’s seen him raise his voice, talk back, let the pitchers know what needs to be done. He bosses them around, but in a way that feels caring.

 

So he doesn’t understand why he is afraid. 

 

Well, he does. He knows why, knows all too well why whenever he’s in a bullpen, staring down a catcher, throwing the called pitches, the second something goes wrong, he starts to crumble.

 

And he’s crumbling bad in front of Sandy right now. Sandy can tell, he keeps chiding Nate, not in a mean way, but in a way where he wants Nate to realize this is the place to iron out the kinks. He’s starting today. Starting always makes him nervous, all those eyes, all these people, his team, depending on him to do well. He hates making mistakes.

 

He’s making a ton of them right now, he can feel it in his gut. He can watch the way Sandy’s body language changes, the huff Sandy gives when he tells Nate to “Try again.” Sandy is upset with him. This is no way for a starter to act. Nate’s ribs start to feel too small for his chest, like he’s being squeezed, and he tries to will it away. He’s not usually panicked on the mound.

 

But Sandy is different, and because he is different, he notices. Through the mask, he makes eye contact with Nate, comes up from the crouch, and flips up the mask. 

 

He feels his blood run cold, the muscle memory takes over, he feels himself recoil, flinching from nothing at all. Nothing but Sandy, with his kind eyes and even voice, asking Nate if something is wrong.

 

Suddenly, Nate can’t breathe.

 

-

 

Sandy is not stupid. He’s always been tuned into what his pitchers need, their responses to things. He can direct Sale’s anger into production, he can rope Porcello’s intensity into control, he makes Craig manageable. He’s good at what he does, and he knows it. Working with a new guy is always a little frustrating at first.

 

It’s not ever like this though.

 

He’d only gone to talk to Nate, ask him if his arm was hurting, if he needed a coach or the doctor or something, and Nate had jumped away from him.

 

Sandy knows what this is, he can feel his heart break a little, looking into Eovaldi’s terrified eyes. He always looks so tired, but the fear on his face is different than anything Sandy’s seen from him. He thought Sandy was going to hit him. He was prepared for it, ready for the sting of Sandy’s hit. He thought Sandy was going to punish him, for doing badly when no one else could even see.

 

Sandy lets Nate run away. He’s going to go after him, but he calls Cora first. 

 

“He can’t start. He’s not ready.”

 

“Well, we have no one else. He’s going to have to try.” Cora was not a mean man, but he knew when to push, and when to let things be. “Just try, that’s what we need from him. Two or three innings. And the rest, we can figure it out as we go.” 

 

-

 

Nate is tucked in the corner, his back and his side pressed against a wall. This was how he felt safest. No one could sneak up on him if he was surrounded on at least two sides. And he would hear anyone coming.

 

Of course, he didn’t have to think about any of that anymore. It had become reflex, to always choose the safest option, the option he’d had to deduce from trial and error, over and over again. Usually he hated feeling confined. It led to panic. But when he was in a state, he needed to at least have a little comfort, of knowing no one could get him from behind. He’d learned that lesson.

 

He hears Sandy’s footsteps before he hears Sandy speak. “Hey, Nate.” Sandy’s voice is soft, not a whisper, just, soft. Nate peeks out from behind his knees. “It’s me.” 

 

Sandy kneels down, and touches Nate, so lightly that he hardly feels it, but he still flinches from the contact anyways. He hates that, he hates that his brain and his body are in two different spots. He hates that he’s reacting this way, to Sandy, of all people. He’d once seen Sandy scoop a spider from the locker room and place it lovingly out a window. Sandy would never hurt him.

 

But it wouldn’t have been the first time Nate had been fooled, and it wouldn’t have been the first time he’d thought _This person wouldn’t do that_ and then, they did. 

 

His body starts to tremble, out of his control, all while Sandy just rubs his thumb over Nate’s skin, and says, over and over ,“You’re alright. I’m not going to hurt you, no one is.”, and “I would never hit you. No one here would.” and “I won’t let anyone hurt you.” 

 

Nate chances a look up at Sandy, and Sandy’s eyes are full of concern. He cups Nate’s jaw with one big hand, and bumps their foreheads together. Nate can’t look. This contact is all so much, he’s just coming down from the panic attack, and it feels like he might have another. He can feel Sandy’s breath, slow and even, and tries to match his breathing to the time of it. In. Out. “I know you can do this.” Sandy says. “We’re going to sit here, together. And breathe for a minute. Together. Okay?” 

 

Nate nods. He can feel a couple of tears slide down his cheeks. He’s probably been crying this whole time, and he just now noticed.

 

“You’re a talent, a gem, Nate. A great man to have. We all are lucky to know you. And we wouldn’t let anyone hurt you. You know that?” Nate can’t look him in the eyes still. He just nods again.

 

“Good. And you, you feel the same? You are lucky too?” Nate nods again. He’s not sure he follows the train of thought. “I know you thought so. So humble. You want to make them proud, right?” Another nod. “So you’re gonna try your best, aren’t you? You’re gonna get up on that mound, and try your best?”

 

Nate feels so childish, so stupid, so grateful for Sandy. He nods again. “Yes, yes. I knew you would say so. Come _mijo_ , let's get you cleaned up.” He stands on two shaky legs, looking down at Sandy’s smiling face.

 

“I’ll see you in the bullpen. Let me know when you’re ready.”

 

-

 

Nate makes it through three innings. He walks two batters, and he’s livid with himself. But Sandy managed to eke it out of him, to slow him down enough to hit the zone, or get them swinging. 

 

On the way back to the dugout after taking the ball from Evo, Cora gives Sandy a knowing glance. Sandy just smiles back. He’s different. That’s why he’s on the team, maybe he doesn’t hit much, but he can work a miracle.

 

When Sandy finishes the inning, he sits next to Nate and Sale in the dugout. Sale glances between the two of them, expectant to hear what happened, why Nate only went three, when Nate gets so upset with himself when he doesn’t deliver.

 

Sandy just puts a hand on Nate’s knee. “I’m proud of you.”

 

Nate smiles, and it’s weak, but it’s still a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> i was sad tonight so i wrote this. thank u ali for the dialogue.  
> the song lyrics/title is from the mountains by bobby barnett


End file.
